I stayed behind with the dogs after the funeral, and we played 'Pure' by the Lightning Seeds and they sang, because it always used to make my mum laugh. It was a fitting tribute, strangely, Ian Broudie and two poodles. Not many people would want to go to the grave like that, but my mum would have loved it. Share this article:. If you love what we do, you can help tQ to continue bringing you the best in cultural criticism and new music by joining one of our subscription tiers. As well as the unparalleled joy of keeping the publication alive, you'll receive benefits including exclusive editorial, podcasts, and specially-commissioned music by some of our favourite artists.
To find out more, click here. Support tQ's work by becoming a subscriber and enjoy the benefits of bonus essays, podcasts and exclusively-commissioned new music. As a wholly independent publication, we rely entirely on our ad bookings to keep The Quietus going. You never mince your words. My mum used to say I was the most tactless child on the planet and that was simply because I said what I thought about everything and I presumed that if someone asked me a question, they wanted the answer.
Now I manage what I think and say and do, to try to minimise unnecessary conflict. But, yeah, people with our type of autism have really strong convictions and we say what we think. As a kid, that would frustrate me, and as an adult I want to rectify it.
How conscious are you of having to manage your personality? Your outspoken campaigning has antagonised the Countryside Alliance, 2 See eg countryside-alliance. I never have done. You grew up in Southampton, just down the road. Can you say a little more about your upbringing? What were the values that helped to form you?
You know, table manners were important, all of those sorts of things — the basic rules and regs, if you like. I hated being a child. I hated being told what to do. And the reason for that, with the benefit of hindsight, is that the more control you take over your life, the easier it is to manage it, to be comfortable and sane and secure. In order to maximise my, you know, mental health, I need to be in control of my temporal, physical and emotional state; and to do that, I need to be able to make mostly my own decisions.
Was it in any way cathartic? Can you send her a message to cheer her up? Some parts of it, people might argue, are too poetic. I mean, I did deliberately overload it, because what I was trying to express to the reader was the intensity of my sensory experiences.
I wanted to hurt them with words…. And I needed to communicate that to people and the method I tried to use was just to drench them in descriptions of visual stimuli.
I was massively into poetry throughout my teens and twenties. Did you encounter religion at all growing up? Was there any sense of spirituality in your family life? I can be a simple organism, you know, and I can find joy in my own limitations. Many people blame religion for our destructive attitude to the earth. That sort of anthropocentrism is enormously dangerous.
And I like many aspects of what religion manifests for people — for my mum, [it was a] sense of community, a sense of belonging. I still feel really aggressive about things. I was very fortunate that it happened at that time. I had really been struggling with my peers — it started to be difficult when I was about 11 and then it just got worse and worse. By the time I got to 16, I was in a pretty bleak place. I was getting, like, bullied and persecuted and excluded, and I got to the point where I started to blame myself: I thought it was me that was broken, everything about me was wrong.
And that generated, initially, confusion and frustration, and then it became disappointment, and then it turned into enormous anger. If you could have harnessed my rage when I was 16, you could have powered the entire UK for a week. I genuinely hated [my persecutors]. I absolutely hated them. What punk gave me was the ability to identify myself physically as different and therefore separate myself from them.
Also, if you want the job done, do it yourself! Invest in your own abilities! It was enormously creative as well. A lot of very talented people doing things in art, music, fashion, you name it. Politics — it was a political awakening. He took out his phone and told her: "Michaela, personal fitness thing. You can't argue with that. Jump directly to the content. Sign in.
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